If there’s one thing I love, it’s a good, old-fashioned competition involving food. So, when I learned about the Scienceblogs Pi Day Pie Bake-off, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Allow me to present to you my creation:
And now, allow me to explain: Anthropologists had tried for years to pin down the diet of the “robust” Australopithecines. They had these huge molars, combined with teeny tiny incisors, and there just had to be a reason. USOs, or Underground Storage Organs, are the starchy, tuberous roots of plants like potatoes and carrots. They grow underground, where they won’t be found by just any old herbivore, and they supply nutrients and water to the growing plant. They are hard and crunchy, and might be just the sort of thing that a Savannah-dwelling ape with gigantic molars might consume. But people were looking at the microwear- the microscopic scrapes left on the surface of a tooth by food- and finding that they were only eating tubers some of the time, or in some locations.
Enter Optimal Foraging Theory. Perhaps the robust australopithecines were relying on USOs as an important “fallback” resource. Behavioral ecologists have recognized that primates will forage “optimally” for awhile, but it took awhile for the paleontologists to realize the implications. Howler monkeys have teeth that are beautifully adapted for eating leaves, so if a paleontologist found some Howler monkey teeth, she would undoubtedly classify it as a folivore. But that only gives us half of the story. Howler monkeys do rely on leaves a lot, but they are not quite so folivorous as their teeth would have us believe. A pretty large percentage of their diet is actually made up of other kinds of foods, like fruits, but because their teeth are able to grind up and extract nutrients from leaves, they can eat those, too.
So some paleontologists took notice: We had been trying to pigeon-hole the robust guys as hard-food specialists, when really they were perhaps even more generalized than their gracile cousins! A robust australopithecine could eat anything a gracile could, AND he could exploit hard, tough, fibrous foods when those other resources were not available.
So back to my pie. The sweet potato is a modern, domesticated USO, and one of the main staples of this particular human’s diet. One of my favorite ways to eat them is mashed up with a banana for breakfast. I know it sounds weird, but with a spot of butter and a dash of cinnamon, it’s a comforting, hearty, and pretty healthy breakfast. So why not jazz it up a little and make it into a pie filling? Especially if that pie were to be an optimal foraging-themed science pie? We’ve established that early hominids used USOs as an important fallback resource. Bananas, of course, are any primate’s preferred food. So we have the best of both worlds: Fallback resources AND optimum resources. And we’ll sweeten it with honey, which is just about as optimum a resource as exists on the planet! There are some forager populations (for example, the Efe of the Ituri forest) that obtain more than 4o% of their calories from honey.
Ah, but that’s not quite enough. This pie requires a very special crust. Something like delicious, ooey gooey anthropoid bread. What is anthropoid bread? It’s like monkey bread, but sciencey-er. And it’s just about the best thing that anthropoids have thought of since the Oligocene. AND we’re going to top it with hominoid carpal fritters.
First things first: Take about a cup of diced sweet potato and either boil it or steam it until it’s soft.
While it’s boiling, you’ll prepare your crust. To make your anthropoid bread crust, you’ll need some biscuit dough. You can use one of those store-bought doughs that pops when you unwrap them, OR you can also make your own buttermilk biscuit dough. If you’re using the store-bought kind, take about three biscuits and mash them all up together. Roll them out using either your hands or a rolling pin- but if you use the rolling pin, expect some stickiness! Your crust should be about the thickness of the post orbital septum that is typical of all anthropoids (okay, maybe a little thicker). Coat your crust in a cinnamon sugar mixture, and then carefully smush it into your pie pan. I used a mini pie pan (about six inches). In a saucepan, melt about a tablespoon of butter and about half a tablespoon of honey until it’s sufficiently mixed, and then coat your pie crust liberally. Bake it for about 10 or 15 minutes.
Set that aside now and make your pie filling. Again, I made a small, 6-inch pie, so these measurements are for that size. But then, I don’t usually measure things unless I’m baking cookies or pipetting PCR reactions, so there aren’t very many measurements anyway. You’ve boiled your sweet potatoes already, so drain them. Cut up half banana, and then add the two together and mash them all up. Add about a teaspoon or half a tablespoon of honey, a dash each of cinnamon and nutmeg, and 2 egg yolks. Once you’ve got that all mixed up, add a few splashes of milk and just a skinch of vanilla extract. Beat this mixture until it’s all mixed up, and then pour it into your pie crust. Bake it at 350 for 30-40 minutes (again, for my small pie!), until your “custard” is set.
Okay, so now everything is out of the oven, and you must refrigerate it. I hear there are some people who like their custard pies warm, but I make it a point not to hang out with social deviants like that. I had a biscuit left over, so I made a cupcake out of little balls the size of hominoid carpals. Put a scoop of some bourbon whipped cream on your pie piece, add a little honey drizzle and one of your hominoid carpal anthropoid bread fritters on top, and you are good to go!
Some relevant literature:
Ungar, P., Grine, F., & Teaford, M. (2008) Dental Microwear and Diet of the Plio-Pleistocene Hominin Paranthropus boisei. PLoS ONE, 3(4), e2044. DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0002044
LADEN, G., & WRANGHAM, R. (2005) The rise of the hominids as an adaptive shift in fallback foods: Plant underground storage organs (USOs) and australopith origins. Journal of Human Evolution, 49(4), 482-498. DOI: 10.1016/j.jhevol.2005.05.007
Wood, B. (2004) Patterns of resource use in early Homo and Paranthropus. Journal of Human Evolution, 46(2), 119-162. DOI: 10.1016/j.jhevol.2003.11.004
Constantino, P., Lucas, P., Lee, J., & Lawn, B. (2009) The influence of fallback foods on great ape tooth enamel. American Journal of Physical Anthropology, 140(4), 653-660. DOI: 10.1002/ajpa.21096














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